Google is Turning Idiots into Morons

6 Apr

0:05– Jeans with sandals. An immediate sign that this guy is an idiot.

0:22– Meeting with his friend Paul at a Bookstore. To do what? Read together? Lame.

0:27– Gross eating noise

0:42– Oh man, really? You’re upset about walking two blocks. Grow some quads and get over yourself.

0:55– “Sweet. Remind me to buy tickets to Monsieur Gayno tonight.” Who? Come on dude, you don’t know who that is. Sweet, remind me to shoot myself before I ever go to a Monsieur Gayno show.

1:11 – Of course you go straight to the ukulele section you hipster fuck. I swear to god if you play ukulele by the end of this video…I’ll buy tickets to a Monsieur Gayno show.

1:19– Paul is 402 ft. away. Holy shit that’s creepy. Are you hanging out or setting up a sniper shot?

1:23– Of course Paul is wearing an oversized neck scarf. It’s 58 degrees with a 10% chance of rain Paul, get over yourself.

1:24– “Hey dude!” That high five made me uncomfortable and slightly ashamed to be White.

1:33– Yea check into that fuckin truck. We all want to know.

1:39– Paul looks relieved to leave

1:48– Oh, you’ve come across a piece of graffiti. Don’t forget to instagram it you shit.

1:51– Please share it with your circles. I’m sure Paul, Jess and the rest of your stupid friends want to see a mediocre martini glass.

2:02– Holy shit Jess is fine! Why does she want to meet up with this dude?

2:12– Oh hell no! Is that a ukulele? Are we to believe this dude learned to play “Lovers Carvings” in three hours? Get off the screen.

2:18– “That’s beautiful.” No Jess, You are beautiful. This dude and the Google Glasses: Project Glass We Put Glasses With Fucking Internet on Your Face So You Don’t Ever Have to Be Without Internet is pure EVIL!!!! This is honestly one of the most sickening things I have seen in a while. I realize it is a company’s job to innovate, but give it a break! Do we as a society really think we need to be even more linked in than we already are? I really hope this is just a prototype and there end up being millions of problems with this product and it never sees the light of day, because if I even see one pair of these what I can only assume will be black frame internet glasses on the face of some smug, stubbly idiot reading a book on how to play the ukulele, I will destroy them. Word is bond.

Break yo'self for your Google Glasses

5 Responses to “Google is Turning Idiots into Morons”

  1. Derek Osedach April 11, 2012 at 2:59 am #

    Damn, I watched this video a few days ago and had so many jokes, but I let it slip away. I’m glad you put in the time to give this thing a proper hazing.

    Also, I don’t know if you care, but I’m nominating you for the “Versatile Blogger Award.” Ignore it, love it, do with it what you will…

    • veryseriousbarista April 17, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

      Haha sweet, thanks man. I’ll accept the nomination, although I don’t really know what to do with it. Is there some kind of virtual awards ceremony? Do I need to buy a suit?

      • Derek Osedach April 18, 2012 at 12:07 am #

        You’re asking the wrong guy. Seems to me that, where blogging awards are concerned, there is no real difference between being “nominated” and “winning.”

        All you’re supposed to do with your nomination/victory is “nominate” some other people of your own, and then play dumb when they start asking you questions.

  2. Chris April 11, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

    How was that Monsieur Gayno show?


  1. Why Hologram Tupac Freaked Me Out « Very Serious Barista - April 17, 2012

    […] Engineer in their face creepy factor. I reacted the same way when Google recently announced their Glasses Project. “Wow this is so cool…wait….wait no, this is getting creepy…I’m uncomfortable now…and […]

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