DJ Battles Ruining Parties

10 Jan

I know.  That shit sucks.

I know. That shit sucks.

My freshmen year drug dealer once awkwardly sang, “One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain.” Bob Marley and this idiot have clearly never been to a modern day house party where every fuckchuckler with an apple product fancies himself the resident Skrillex.

Generally speaking, there are three pillars to a good party: Booze, ratios, and music. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about the lack of females, but if the ratios are there and the BL Limes are flowing, there is no reason the party should not be cracking. Oh wait, there is some thinly dressed fellow plugging in his iphone and choosing…Sigur Ros!? And oh wait; he’s followed by an eager nymph who intends to move hips by throwing on some early Lykke Li?! What the hell is wrong with everyone? These people make good music in their own right, but did Dre and Snoop teach us nothing? They made songs that made even the staunchest feminist shake her ass and scream about getting cummed on. We all must realize, especially those whose thumbs are about to push play that there is music for listening and then there is music for sweating profusely, biting your shirt and grinding up on people.

Only you want to dance to rare flute music.

Only you want to dance to rare flute music.

This message is for real DJ’s too. I have been to one too many warehouse parties and hep shindiggeries where the DJ and their friends are seemingly just trying to entertain one another. “I wonder what will happen if I put on this avant-garde flute record from the 1940’s?” Everyone will hate you. That’s what will happen. I honestly think there needs to be a school for DJ’s. Bartenders usually have to pass a course, why not DJ’s? If 50% of people aren’t dancing on any given night, your suratos are revoked until you learn the basics.

Ziggy Marley once said, “A party which never realizes its full potential due to faulty musical choices was never really a party at all.” Powerful stuff Ziggy. Let’s remember these wise words and be mindful of each other’s good time.

Wise man.

Wise man.

2 Responses to “DJ Battles Ruining Parties”

  1. younglee1 January 23, 2013 at 9:16 am #

    Spot on words which made me chuckle!
    I’ve been a full time dj for over 10 years and so many times a young inexperienced dj will be playing early doors , the idea create a nice ambience n vibe whilst people come in have a drink etc. but they think they are headlining Fabric at 2am….. Cue banging tunes at full volume !!

  2. mightwar January 23, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

    So it’s not just me who wants to kick DJs in their turntables for messing up my night out. I am so sick of watching DJs high-fiving each other whilst vapid tracks boom out of speakers and people look at their shoes. I did NOT pay good money to watch you masturbate in public!
    I agree with you VSB, DJs should be made to take a course prior to being licenced for public spaces. Where do I sign?

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