Hard Hollers at the Taco Truck

8 Mar


I have the excellent fortune of living in the presence of taco trucks. L.A. is cheese full of these mobile smile bringers. I have never heard anyone say, “Ah shit, there’s a taco truck here.” It’s always more like, “Ohhhhhhh shit!” Taco trucks bring two important things to street corners; burritos and drunk girls. This is one of the most underrated places to meet a girl in your city.

Drunk, Hungry and Horny
During the day the taco truck is a peaceful glimpse into local food culture where day laborers and business folk alike bond over cheap, tasty eats. When night falls, however, the truck is inundated with loud drunks testing out their 9th grade Spanish and spilling Jarritos on their shoes. I realize what I just described sounds awful to most people, but if you are tolerant and swift enough to dodge some wayward toronja, you have the potential to bond with a member of the opposite sex over the three most important characteristics of a 2am creature of the night: being drunk, being hungry and being horny. If you were to check a box of needs and emotions after leaving a bar or club, one if not all three would pop up. The comradery two hungry and horny drunks share while waiting in a line for food is unparalleled. The same girl who was not giving you attention at the bar, will suddenly open up to you like you’re Barbara Walters and her career hangs in the balance.
“What are you going to get?”
“A burrito.” She replies.
“Nice.”
It really is that simple. After that its no holds barred. Ask her favorite color, her thoughts on the Iraq war, her preferred fuck ficky. It doesn’t even have to make sense because you are both experiencing the same emotions and both striving toward the same goal.

Strategy and a Little Bit of Suerte
Let me put it in economic terms. A normal night out at a bar might include cover charges, several drinks, and hours of pursuing girls who may or may not be interested in you. Not to mention taking the risk of drunk driving or having to take an expensive cab ride home. All told it comes to around fifty dollars and a headache the next morning. If you went to your local town fair and there was a tent with a sign that read, ‘$50 to stare at women and then get a headache,’ you would burn that tent to the ground and write a formal complaint to town fair management.
Here is what I suggest: split a fifth or a 30 rack with a couple close friends and play Madden or Call of Duty from 9pm to 1:30 am. Take a bus to your local bar/taco truck area (you can walk, skate or bike too but mind the shit eating in bushes). Arrive at the taco truck just as the bars let out. Find a cute drunk girl who keeps whining, “All I want is a quesadilla! Oh my god.” Slide in line and start up a convo. Remember it starts out about burritos, but then go ahead and get crazy. She’ll be into it. You’re in taco truck world now. Suerte.

One Response to “Hard Hollers at the Taco Truck”

  1. GeraldSF March 8, 2012 at 9:13 pm #

    I thought this article was well written. It sparked debate and hours of hilarious conversation. Thank you.

    -GeraldSF

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