Over Under is a series where my readers submit things to write about, and I say if they are overrated or underrated. Get it? Feel free to submit future topics in the comments section, on facebook or twitter.
Japanese Squirrel Parks – Underrated
50 Cent once said, “I’m similar to a squirrel tryna get a nut.” Maybe all Fiddy needed was a park to alleviate his stress. Dogs have parks, horses have tracks, and killer whales have New York one bedroom sized pools to go crazy and kill people in, so it’s about damn time squirrels are shown some love. They need their own space to do insane squirrel things like: run really fast and then stop and look intensely into the middle distance. Or run across power lines with an acorn in their mouth and then stop, and look intensely into the middle distance. Or…you get it, squirrels are weird.
Detlef Schrempf vs. Iman Shumpert – Overrated
If we’re talking basketball, this is a terrible matchup. Detlef dominates hands down. If we are talking haircuts, it becomes a much more interesting debate. Detlef suffered from being white in the 80’s, like really white. If he was playing in today’s NBA he would have succumb to peer pressure and gotten the Macklemore and called it a day, but his escaped mental patient cut was bold in its own right. Shump meanwhile chooses to keep things retro and has clearly watched Do the Right Thing one too many times. While he definitely gets style points, his well-maintained high top only brings attention to the fact that he is a mediocre player at best, while Detlefs’ opponents were left wondering, “How can a man with this haircut be so good at basketball?”
Rob Ford- Overrated
“I don’t pop molly, I smoke crack, Rob Ford.” I don’t know this man’s policies, other than he’s honest as all hell and I think I’m on board? I don’t support crack cocaine, but I do appreciate transparency in politics, and I do approve of fat sweaty guys going on benders and doing stupid shit. His run as mayor of Toronto may be over soon, but as a final good deed he inspired all drug addicts to pick up the pipe and get crackin’ on a campaign slogan.
Toilets – Underrated
In honor of national toilet day, I am writing this segment to you live from the king’s throne in the porcelain palace. I think scientists or biologists or body studiers claim it’s more natural to squat while you excrete your matter, but the sit down toilet offers so many modern luxuries that we never think about. Facebook creeping, guitar playing, magazine reading, angry birds playing and that old familiar wake up call to get off the toilet when your leg goes numb. Three cheers and one energy saving weak flush for the toilet!
Brussel Sprouts – Underrated
B sprouts used to be synonymous with death, decay, ugliness and vomit. They were truly the A-ROD of veggies. Supposed to be good for you, but everyone hated them. Somewhere along the way, Brussel Sprouts said eff all this! I’m meeting with a brand strategist and the next time y’all see me I’m going to be respected for who I really am! Maybe it wasn’t so dramatic, but the European sprout has finally found its way into our cold American hearts. They are tasty, healthy and you feel like a real fucking adult when you eat them.
Very Serious Barista 