Facebook has become a real bummer. I will not provide statistics or studies on how it makes us lonely, enraged with jealousy or less productive, but I will say that my creep sessions on girls and my tasteful self-promotion of my blog are being ruined by a steady stream of shitty news and excessive wedding albums. Seriously? A three part series of side profile shots in front of a bush? My friends who I want to keep in touch with seem to get lost or buried in this thick mud of depression or hyperbole of acquaintances I have picked up along the way, and I am forced to wade thru it all.
It’s my own fault really. I keep logging back on to check the inane status update of some haggard who has been trying to get in shape since ’07. As mentioned before, I have already relegated my role on the book to shameless self-promoter and occasional creeper, but I still find myself annoyed.
So it is with great pleasure that I announce the first ever Facebook: Race to Ruination. Starting on Monday, May 7th I will assume the persona of your most annoying/inspiring/depressing/idiot Facebook friend in an attempt to collect the most comments and likes possible. They can be sympathetic, ironic, or just a plain eff you to my face. My goal is 50 comments and 50 likes on a single post or status update. The 50th comment will receive a $50 cash prize from yours truly and a personal thank you note for helping me on my path to a more productive and emotionally fulfilling future.(I’m not trying to get super serious, but clearly one person cannot just comment 50 times. Let’s say 10 people minimum) I will then promptly retire from Facebook. Hope to see you all on the other side.
Very Serious Barista 
Quite serious indeed although I understand what you are feeling. Facebook can be a bit annoying. Most people would get likes and comments on a photo that is plainly normal.