While cleaning up my apartment I found a letter dated all the way back to 1756. Using my rudimentary Rosetta Stone French 1 skills and advanced investigation techniques, I surmised that this document was in French. It was addressed to the LCDPU (Le Committee de Planning Urban) in Paris and outlined the very serious flaws of a certain French town in the 18th century. The following is my best attempt to translate the words of an angry French citizen, Guy DeparGuy.
Disgustingly narrow streets
I just moved to a small town 58 km north of Paris called Derangier, and let me tell you it is a real mess! This city makes no sense. Firstly, there are no designated paths for horses. These animals and there masters are allowed to gallop in any direction at alarming speeds, often times pushing humble pedestrians to the side forcing them to walk on disagreeable ground. In one instance, a horse grazed my elbow as I strolled, jarring the variety of cheeses and baguettes loose from my grasp. I had to march back to the market…, which I might add is on the outskirts of town! What the fuck is that?! There should be a central marketplace that is easily accessible to all.
Stupid Sycamore Lane
And why are there so many churches? Listen, I love Jesus as much as the next fearful Christian, but I also love cheap whores and booze. A few more brothels and bars would be nice. Furthermore, why is Sycamore Lane such an eyesore? I thought a beautification process was in the works last year. Can we get a shrub, bushel, bonsai, anything to liven up that god-awful center divide? Don’t even get me started on the roundabout at the end of the street. Do I wait? Do I go? Do I just walk in circles until I get tired? Very confusing stuff. Anyway, I’m sure you are busy enjoying my taxes, but I want to see some changes!
Considering a move to Lille,